just in case the world ends ill post chapter two(:

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I didn’t wake up to what I expected. Of course I was still in harrys bed. Harry was still there, but when I rolled over he was holding me phone. Something I should probably should be scared that hes looking at. My first impulse was it was no big deal, then I remember the conversation I was having with Cristen on it. “shit” I said under my breath.

Harry didn’t hear, then I pretended to go back to sleep just so I wouldn’t have to face talking to him about it. And when I pretended to go back to sleep I really did for another hour.

And when I woke up harrys face was right in front of mine. “jess” he whispered, his voice trailing off.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. “mmm?” I questioned. Me totally forgetting that he was even looking at my phone.

“whos Cristen?” I shot up. Right out of bed hitting my head against harrys.

“WHO?” I practically screamed.

“I just want to know the girl you were texting, are there things your keeping from me?”

Fresh tears pricked my eyes. No. I couldn’t cry now. Then id give in and hed find out all my bad awful secrets. I batted my eyes, blinking back the tears. “its, its nobody.” Damnit. I couldn’t even steady my voice. Im such a failure.

“Jessica, tell me what she did to you.” He pushed.

“I-i-I can’t right now.” I stuttered before flying out of the bed and out his front door into the night back to my house, where I hate that just as much. I ran into my room and slammed my door. My mom won’t ask why, she dosnt care.

That’s when I really let the tears fly. Why couldn’t I stop? I obviously got to tell him. I can’t keep everything from him. That’s not what you do in a relationship either.

I couldn’t go on like this. Not now not ever.

I rummaged through the drawers of my dresser until I found what I was looking for. My knife. I looked at the scars already on my wrist. I shook my head. How could I ever do this? These scars disgusted me, but yet here I am wanting to do it again.

I weighted my options before me, before I put the end of the blade to my wrist, pushed on it as it dug into my skin and dragged it across drawing out the blood. I did that five more times before I gave up, sobbing. Letting the blood flow out of me.

I must have fallen unconscious, because it was morning when I woke again.

Man I was getting enough sleep with all this bullshit happening. Nobody came though to come to my aid. I still lay in my blood soaked bed. I could have bled to death and nobody would have known.

I glanced down at my wrist. The cuts dried over with the blood that had finally clotted probably during the middle of the night.

I walked to the bathroom and leaned against the counter. Looking down. I couldn’t look up, no. not look into my own eyes that are filled with so much grief and depression. After five minutes of trying to will myself to look up, and failing, I turned around, dropped my clothes and stepped into the shower that I had just turned on.

I let the hot water run off of me. Not even bothering to wash my hair yet.

And halfway through my shower, I ended up on the floor. Locked in the fetal position, once again crying. It took me until the water was literally freezing cold that I stood up and shut the water off. Wrapping a towel around my shivering body.

I went into my room and found my sweatpant drawer pulled out a pair then went to my baggy sweatshirts and pulled one out too.

I put on a sports bra and thong and then i slowly opened my door to my bedroom. I carefully entered the living room checking in all rooms as I went. But nobody was home. Not my mom not the twins. And of course not my brother.

I retreated back to my room once I got a water bottle from the fridge and for the first time in a while checked my phone. I had 10 new messages. All from one person. Harry. He was checking in on me. Asking if I was alright, wondering why I left so fast. Why I stormed out. What I wasn’t telling him.

I simply texted back. *sorry just woke up. You can come over if you want* and two minutes later I heard the squeak to my garage door open and 30 seconds after my bedroom door being swing open. There in a mess of curls and green eyes was my boyfriend harry. He looked hurt, but relieved that I was fine.

I got off the bed and ran to him. Leaped from the floor and into his arms. I really couldn’t go a day without him.

And as I threw my arms around him I felt a little sting come from my wrists but ignored it. It’s the price I have to pay.

And after I gave him a little kiss on the cheek I lead him to my bed, fully prepared to tell him the story of Cristen and Jayden.

I couldn’t not tell him anymore. He had to know. “sit down. Im going to tell you.” I said.

He obeyed and I rubbed my puffy red eyes before I started the story. “well before I even moved here she was my best friend. We did everything together and honestly she was like no other friend that I had. I loved her. We could be innocent together and we could be devilish doing things only I would do with her. Until she did something to me that no friend should ever do. That I don’t think anybody wants to go though, but she got into a relationship with my brother. It seriously broke my heart in half. I couldn’t do anything about it, and I didn’t want to lose her. I finally found the friend I was looking for all this time. And the one person I would go to for this was my dad, but as you know he died a year ago. I stayed her friend for the longest time. Her still being in a relationship with him, heck she still could be for all I know. But I cried day in day out. Id couldn’t shake the blues. And everything went downhill from there. I started drinking more and smoking cigs. I just couldn’t deal. And that’s when I broke it off with her and shut Jayden out of my life, and willed myself to move here. Even if I had to alone but my mom agreed. And harry im sorry but I still smoke cigs. And I still drink once in a while.”

He just stared in my eyes. Looked at me and knew that’s as much as the story as he was going to get because he knew I didn’t want to go into full detail on everything. I just couldn’t. not now. He knew enough. “jess..ohh jess..” tears filled his eyes.

Seeing him cry, that’s when I caved. The first hot tear rolled down my cheek, and after the first the other couldn’t stop. I was a mess. Harry whipped his eyes before he opened up my arms and I collided into him, accepting him.

He rubbed my back and whispered stuff in my ear. Telling me everything would be ohkay. That he didn’t care that I did any of that stuff. That hed help me. That its all over now.

But it isn’t. I don’t know that. Cristen could still be with him. Im not sure. And I really don’t want to find out.

And after about an hour of more crying and nobody still coming home I lifted my head and peered up into harrys. “im so sorry.” I whispered my bottom lips still quivering.

“Shhhh, jessabell. Its fine. Im here.” Using his nickname he came up with right when he first met me.

And then I looked down. Down at the white sleeve of my sweatshirt pressed against my bloodied wrist. The red seeping through, covering the sweatshirt. I quickly looked up back at harry to see if his eyes followed mine down, hoping they didn’t. but they did. He was now staring at my sleeve.

He reached out and started to pull up the hem of it so see what was underneither. But I covered his hand and yelled “stop!”

But he didn’t listen, he continued to pull it up reveiling all the gory cuts with new blood seeping from them.

He gasped before looking into my fearful eyes. Not even having to say it but asking if I did these myself. And I shook my head. Nodded up and down. And then looked down as another round of tears slipped from under my lashes.

This feeling was never going to go away.

I walked down the street of my home town in Wisconsin. Which was once my favorite place now  a place i dread going back too or even thinking or talking about. To many bad memories, that’s why I moved to London.

I am only here to retrieve the few items I left behind a week ago. The same faces walking the street, but the same names I ran away from across seas. I locked up the front door again and then went to the home sales company that bought the house form us to sell it. I opened the door and the fresh clean carpet smell wafting up my nose comes full force forcing me to hold my breath.

I quickly told the lady at the front desk that I will no longer need that and I will never see the house again nor do I want to this country. She nods her head and I am free to leave, board the plane back to my new home.

An hour later I am saying goodbye to my old home. Heading to the new one.

~

Hours later I rub my sleepy eyes and breath in the warm breeze of London. I am now home. I call my mom and find out where she is exactly in the airport and start heading my way to it.

She smiles, “hey baby girl!” I run into her arms and we stand there for a few minutes before we break away so she can drive us back to the house.

I text my boyfriend Harry, *babe im home!(: I missed you!*

Yes Harry Styles. Harry from One Direction. Hes not the reason I moved to London, but only because he is my next door neighbor I met him and he fell in love with me.

I know our love story isn’t big and what people expect or want to hear, but our relationship is perfect.

My mom cuts off the engine to our silver Volvo and pops the trunk in the back so I can get the things that I have brought home. Immiediatly as I open the front door to my house I am swept up by my four year old brother and sister. Issac and Johanna. “hi guys! Did you miss me?” yes they are twins. There the most adorable brown haired, green eyes kids you’ve ever seen.

“yes!” they scream in the cutest voices. I would die for these kids. I love them with all of my heart. Honestly.

They grab my hands and then drag me into the living room the wii that they are playing on. Mario Party 8. Old game but they are really obsessed with it.

By the look of it, from the game they have been playing Johanna is beating Issac only by one star. Issac gives me a pouty face and trys to hand the wii remote to me. “no issac, I can’t. That would be cheating. Let Johanna win, she never does.”

He shakes his hand, no. He trys handing me the remote again, “play. NOW!”

My mom comes in now to my rescue, “Isaac leave Jess alone. Shes tierd she just got home. Let her go to bed.”

Isaac finally gave in, allowing me to walk down the hall way to my bed where I can now relax and sleep the stress away.

As I walk down the hallway I pass my older brothers empty room. He lived here for about Two days and never came back. Somewhere in London, im not sure if he’ll come back or even care if he does or that hes gone. His names Jayden, but I don’t want to go in detail about him. He only ruined my life beyond repair. Its hard for me to face, I havn’t even told Harry yet.

As I clear my mind, I squeeze my eyes shut and rub my temples ridding me the blues that have now been dropped down upon me.

The last thing I see before I am carried away into this blissful sleep is the floarl pattern of pink, purple green and blue on my tie blanket.

I am awakened seven hours later to my phone buzzing, a text from my old best friend Cristen. Before I even opened it, I just stared at the screen. Why would she text me? We are far over. I am long away from being friends with her again. Nope, shes the biggest reason I wanted to move away. Although we can’t always run away from our problems I brought some with me too. My brother.

You can put two and two together and figure out the actions of me hating both Jayden and Cristen could mean they were involved together some how. Otherwise I wouldn’t hate both. But like I said im not in the mood to talk about it. I just can’t. not now, not ever. Maybe.

I opened the text, *Can we please talk? Please?* I rolled my eyes before deciding to chuck my phone across the room for good measure. It landed with a thunk in the floor, flipping open to a picture of me and her as my home screen. I never changed it.

Fresh tears filled my eyes, one was just about to slip from under my lashed before my ringtone of ‘Better Than Better Could Ever Be’ came on. From far away I could still see his name. Harry’s face danced across the screen. I had to answer he probably misses me and wants to hangout.

I willed myself from the fetal position I took up on my bed and slowly walked over to my phone. I hesitantly picked it up, staring at the picture of me and harry on the screen as his picture ID. I sighed then clicked the talk button. “hello?” I tried to rid my voice of any stress.

“hey babe” his deep voice filled the line. This time I sighed again. One of relief, I feel safe around him or even anything about him. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“Just woke up, I had a long flight.” I yawned, concluding that I was still tierd.

“do you want to come over? You can nap here, I just can’t not see you anymore.” His voice filling with desire and passion.

“of course. Give me a minute.” I smiled to myself. Everytime im in this house there feels like theres this weight on my shoulders, but I can now go to harrys and feel less stressful. “bye love you.” I say before I hang up.

“love you.” The line ends and I am left alone with my thoughts once again.

I do everything it takes in the next minute to get the hell out of that house. I grab my tie blanket, my ipod, and my phone. If I need anything else im right next door, right?

I quickly tell my mom where im going who is in the kitchen cooking supper. The twins sitting nicely on the couch watching the yellow sponge, Spongebob, singing some stupid song about striped sweaters. Not that my mom ever cared where I was going, she just wants to know. So I told her and now im off.

I slam the front door then take the longest strides possible to get to harrys front door. And when im finally there I lift up my hand in a fist ready to knock and then wait for him to open the door, when I can’t even knock first before he opens the door and im in his arms being lifted off the ground and swung around.

Im hugging him so tight that I might choke him, but he doesn’t show any signs of pain. I smile as im being let down. I look up into those green eyes, searching. Like I always do. His eyes are just so amazing.

“I love you.” He says after he stares at mine for a while too.

“I love you too Haz.” I stand on my tip-toes and peck his lips. Short and sweet.

Then he steps to the side and waits for me to come in. I shuffle in eager to get out of the October cold. I slip the boots from my feet and skip my way to the living room and jump over the side of the couch landing on it.

His are the comfiest. He laughes as he comes around the corner. “How about a bed instead?” he says.

I nod, but don’t make any attempt to move. “oh come on jess, get up.” I shake my head this time, im still exhausted and I really don’t want to get up.

He shakes his head at me and he makes his way around the couch then slips his arms from under me and lifts me up, proceeding to carry me to his room. There he sets me down in his bed, then climbs over me to the other side, turns on the TV and putting on the movie, The Notebook. He then looks at me and encircles me with his strong arms. I lay my head on his chest, ready to give in to sleep again.

This time my last thing I realize before I fall asleep is a kiss form harry on my forehead and an almost silent I love you.